Episode 02: Refusal of the call
Artist, printmaker, collagist, and mixed media SweetPea Cole discusses how she is creating the life she wants, giving herself permission to follow her heart.
The call is given, and the future hero first refuses to heed its call. Maybe from obligation, maybe from fear or insecurity, or maybe from a sense of inadequacy.
Full episode coming soon!
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Transcript:
Refusal of the call
Oblivious of the adventures to come in a safe place. The hero begins their journey. Everyday life calls the hero to action. Today we explore what happens when the hero refuses the call. For the next 12 months, I will follow the hero's journey inspired by Joseph Campbell, through the experiences and tribulations of visionaries known and unknown.
Often when the call is given the hero refuses to heed, the invocation, this may be from a sense of duty or obligation, fear, insecurity, or a sense of inadequacy, or any kind of situation that keeps the hero stuck, unable to move forward. Today, I’m speaking with SweetPea Cole, printmaker, collages designer, and fierce spreader of joy. Thank you for joining me on Mixed Metafour as we travel through the lives of many heroes in their journey.
SweetPea:
I am an illustrator, I'm a printmaker, um, graphic designer moving much more into illustration. Yeah.
Heather:
Um, part of your mission is to be a fierce seeker and spreader of joy. Can you talk about that?
SweetPea:
So part of it is, am I seeking just in general or am I seeking joy? And I think it's both, um, I am constantly trying to figure things out. What's going on there with everything. What does that mean? What's how does that work? Um, so that's the kind of seeking, but then I'm also, I'm always looking for a reason to be joyful and an experience to share that's joyful and, and let's just be real. It's not because I'm so utterly joyful all the time. In fact, I'm actually blue a lot and I think that's why I look for joy, but, like I can wallow in darkness or I can look for the light and move towards the light.
Heather:
Don't you find too, like in those dark places, if you just take the focus off yourself, for like five seconds,
that that really helps (as far as spreading joy)? And like, what can you do without, you know, NOT having too much self-reflection?
SweetPea:
Absolutely. I'm sorry. There's a train going by. I have a friend who maybe a week ago told me, uh, just this time of day is so hard. I get really blue at this time of the day. So I started sending her a text at that time and day of me doing something really dumb. And today I was really blue and I looked at the clock and I'm like, Oh, I'm going to send the text. And so, um, I dressed up like a mime as best I could. I don't have mine close. So, um, so I don't even know if I, I don't know if she knew I was a mine, but I, mimed some things and it just made me laugh. And so for a few minutes, me looking for joy to share with her lightened me, am I yelling?
Heather:
No, you sound great and you are not yelling. Your levels are great. Let's get a little more into this. Um, part of what you do is you create quirky characters, stories, you work in print goods and artworks. Um, you've also done event coordination, marketing. I know you're a board member of many things. Um, can you talk about your ongoing projects? I know you have a Patreon page you just put up and, um, what do you hope to achieve in the future as far as your goals with the patreon page and your future projects?
SweetPea:
Well, so the Patreon page was, um, really hard to do. Um, and then as soon as I did it, it was so invigorating and so exciting. And, um, I mean, it's very new where at just over a week and, um, right now the focus is, hey, everything I do is through stores and businesses that are closed. Um, so if I could get some support, that would be great. Um, that's sort of how I, I approached it, but, um, I, I set some goals, you know, if I get this this much, then I'll do this character. And it happened so fast that I, I pretty quickly, um, moved beyond the mindset of, of a financial dynamic and really got excited about it just as a conversation with my patrons. And, um, this is a way for me to, to delve into the thing.
That brings me some joy and that people tell me, brings them joy. Um, so first question was, uh, what, what kind of characters should I do? Cause I promised, uh, when I reached my first goal, I'll create this new character, um, pretty obvious that people wanted Acrobats. So, um, I was down that, um, by the end of the first day, I'd already reached the second goal, which was a series of new characters. So, uh, that's my promise. Um, so I'm working busily on the series of acrobats and then getting feedback of what people like or tricks that people might imagine or costume ideas. And it's, it's really beautiful and special and exciting. And it also makes me feel like, um, I'm, I'm making these characters for my patrons. You know, like it's not just, um, remember people like this, I actually have these people that I want to give them something they love . That something is the characters and the stories. And, um, the characters are questionably, unathletic looking. Um, my husband said, are they professional? And I said, why, why are you asking that? I said, is it because of their stomachs because they have these big round stomachs. It's like I said, you try and do that move and he could not do the move that I had drawn regardless of stomach or not. Um, so I just said, see they're professionals,
Heather:
Our hero SweetPea Cole moves from “Refusal of the Call” into her personal power creativity.
So, okay. So you're making these characters and you talk about, um, that they're coming from you and from a deep place, about being true to yourself and that you really had no choice, but to be who you are. And I really relate to that statement in a big way. Um, it, that choiceless choice, how did you overcome societal pressure and allow yourself to be able to go down that path?
SweetPea:
Um, you mean yhe societal pressure to not be an artist?
Heather:
To not be an artist and, you know, to conform, to make money, to basically, you know, save for your future so that you can have X things at X times.
SweetPea:
Right. Um, uh, I think it started really early on, not as a choice, but as a, just a, a sense that I didn't fit. I didn't fit in this category and I didn't fit in that category. And I did some of those things and some of those things. Um, so really early on, I knew that I wasn't on a shared path in a lot of ways. Um, obviously we're all in some, there are overlaps of all of our paths, but I definitely, at a very young age was realizing that I was already kind of doing my own thing. Um, and so I started down that path, but then I would say, um, I did succumb to pressures a lot for a long time. I mean, I'm almost 50, I'm 47 and I'm, I'm just starting to feel like an artist now. I think I've always been artistic, but I have not, um, dedicated myself, um, having given it the time and the space and the priority. Um, and so very recently, you know, in the last couple of years, um, because it was always, I have to pay the bills and that thing I can do that skill I have will pay the bills. Um, so my, I did succumb to that pressure to do what everyone else is doing. And the more you do it, the lower down the priority list, um, what's really important goes and how long did I'll do that? But first I have to get my work done. Right.
So I guess I don't really know how I got out of that other than, um, just kind of coming to a realization that I wasn't making. It's not like I quit my six-figure job to be cooking the artists and non-profits and freelancing for nonprofits. And so at a certain point, I was like, Oh, I'm not making any money. I mean, I'm barely scraping by as it is. So why don't I scrape by doing what I feel like I'm supposed to be doing? Um, does that answer your question?
Heather:
Oh yeah. I mean, doing something like that takes so much courage though, because I mean, it is swimming against the current, you know? And did you find that you got a lot of feedback when you made that choice?
SweetPea:
Um, I have some pretty loving supporters, so yes, I got a lot of feedback. Like finally, it's about time. Um, and, and I think I've moved, I've moved so far to the edge of a lot of things that I'm not, I'm not bumping up against, um, really mainstream, really traditional thought patterns and expectations very often.
Heather:
That's impressive. That's really impressive. Um, so we're now living in the world of COVID and, um, you talk about making a major shift in your approach to work, um, and how the anxiety and the isolation and the sadness surrounding all of this new world we're in, um, is affecting you. And that you're kind of existing somewhere between a dream and reality, which I love. Can you talk more about the way, the way you're existing has changed your work process or just your general life?
SweetPea:
Hmm. Um, I think process and general life are very much affected by this lack of calendar for the most part. Um, uh, this lack of urgency for a lot of the things I used to do, um, Oh, I got to get that done by this time and those things aren't there. So, um, this very slow pace has emerged and I still wake up really early. That's probably more due to insomnia than my go get it ness, I used to have, I mean, I used to be like, Oh, we gotta go. We gotta go. I want to get this done because I have to, I have to do this and I want to do that. And those things are gone. So I wake up and it's just a slower, um, take on everything. So that, that has this overarching, I don't know. I mean, I guess it kind of feels sleepy, I guess, to come back to that, um, idea that I told you that I'm living kind of in this dream, not always a good dream, but it feels, I don't know.
It doesn't feel based in a lot of reality because I feel really disconnected. Um, you know, I look out my windows, like, what are other people doing? What is going on in this world? I read the news or, um, talk to people, what are you doing? So there's this, um, confusion about what's real. Um, I'm moving kind of slower. I feel groggy or, um, and so for my process, I just, I feel like I'm able to dig in a little, little bit more. I don't think about it as digging in now, um, because sort of working and a few hours go by. So, um, and also think a little bit about the about this process, but, um, I don't have retail outlet for product right now. Um, I have my online store. That's pretty limited. Um, so I don't have this, um, this overall drive to make products. Um, so I find myself being less concerned about will this sell and just making the things, um, just drawing with things, painting the things, um, and these characters are emerging and, and, um, there's a freedom of not, I guess not expecting them to earn their own keep, like I would with a design project, you know, it's gotta, these people have to pay me to do this thing. That's not the case right now.
Heather:
I mean, do you find you, you like that better? Is it helping you kind of process the intensity that's happening right now with COVID? Or does it kind of feel like more of the same? Or do you kind of operate like that normally?
SweetPea:
No, I don't operate like that at all. Normally. Um, does it help me cope with the anxiety? Not at all. It actually ramps the anxiety up, but does it help me, uh, create artworks that are, I don't know, more, they're more artful, they're less of a product. They're not a product they’re, they are a process. They are, um, a thing that exists, um, out of my imagination and not, um, not based on market research or, you know, so, I mean, it's, it's really scary to think. I don't know if anyone's ever gonna pay me to do real work again. Um, and then the other part of me is like, but I'm doing my best work that I've done in a long time.
Heather:
So, um, when I originally approached you about this, I was thinking about what part of Joseph Campbell's journey I wanted to give you. And I gave you a refusal of the call and you responded by saying many people think that's exactly what I've been doing for years. Can you talk about that a little bit?
SweetPea:
I, yeah, it goes back to that question of like, how did people respond when I made the shift? I mean, I think so many people have been telling me, um, that they love what I do when they see the little bits of it. And why am I not doing that more? And when am I going to believe in myself and when am I going to trust my own abilities? And when am I going to, when, when, when, and I think, um, some of it has been self doubt, like, ah, it's not really that good. Some of it has been, um, you know, this, how do I make a living? And, um, because there's not this huge buffer, you know, I don't, it's not like I can like, um, take a few months off to see how this goes.
That has been the priority. It just gets bumped to the top of the list all the time. Um, and I think my fans, they are my family and my friends. Um, but they keep telling me that I can do the one and the other and they, they're not mutually exclusive. Um, but there's, uh, there's, it's not, you don't get there on the first step. So, um, I think I've just, Oh, and I have a little bit more money, or when I have a little bit more time, or those kinds of those kinds of conversations that everybody has their head like, Oh, well, I see what you're saying, but I have to do this other thing first.
Heather:
Right. You have to be responsible.
SweetPea:
Yeah. Right. Yeah. So, um, I would say that, that has been my refusal of the call, of believing that I could do both at the same time.
Heather:
If you were to give advice to someone who is struggling right now with making that choice, or even people just getting out of school, coming up, what would you tell them about making the job and organizing your time and that idea of really wanting it and how do you make it happen?
SweetPea:
Wow. I mean, I guess it's, uh, sometimes it's a little bit of a moral dilemma because I don't have kids right there. I'm not responsible, I'm only responsible for myself. And my husband is in the same boat and we're on the same page. So we don't have a conflict over that. Um, and it would be very different if I wanted to have children or already had a child and it would be different if my husband did something totally different and wasn't on the same page as me, you know, that's a big ask to ask somebody to be like, I don't know if we're going to make any money and what I'm doing is the right thing, but I'm going to try it. That's a big thing to ask him a person. Um, and I know that some people are so sure of themselves that, that eases some of the people affected by their decisions. Those, those fears are eased a little. Um,
Heather:
I'd like to meet these people. Yeah.
SweetPea: they’re in movies, they’re in movies
Heather:
If say you were given an opportunity to do anything that you wanted and there was money in it. What would that look like? Would it be different than what you're doing now?
SweetPea:
Actually, it would be exactly what I'm doing during, um, shelter in place. Um, I guess the only thing that would be different is maybe my materials, you know, I might my scale. Or, or what I was using to produce the pieces might be different, but for the most part, it would look a lot like what I’m doing now, right. Yeah. Without the, without the world of anxiety.
Heather:
Yeah. I actually, I read an article today about, um, it kind of irritated me a little bit. It was about late bloomers and this concept of, um, people that society views is blooming late. Uh, having less support and less value is, when you are coming up. But I always feel like people are blooming all the time at different parts in their journey. And it's not that the growth is not a linear line. Life is not linear. We'd like to plan for and pretend like it is, but there are all these interrupting points in between. Um, and I'm not sure I agree with the idea of a late bloomer. I think we're just, it's just an ongoing relationship with ourselves, which is actually how I see you and your journey and knowing you and talking to you and seeing how you evolve. And so if you were to kind of talk to people about the evolution of an artist and how you find that, uh, perseverance and courage, what would you say?
SweetPea:
Oh gosh, like in terms of a late bloomer, I agree with you. I don't, I mean, I think late blooming is a term we maybe used to make ourselves feel better, but then it also makes it worse, you know, like, Oh yeah, like I do get it, but I didn't do it. I didn't get it back then. Um, a lot of pressure. Yeah. And well, I think the whole timeline is a lot of pressure. Um, this idea, I guess that's one of the things that has been so tough for me that, um, this like manic battle with time, it's going away, this is it, I'm losing it. I'm not going fast enough, I’m running out of it. And, um, you know, I guess I think if we were all more gentle with ourselves, which so many people tell me to do, um, if we did that and I, no, I mean, I guess I look at people who write about meditation, for example, about slowing down and taking your time. And it's fine. If you do something in your 80, it's fine or if you do something when you're 10 and they're so calm about everything and they seem to get a lot done, you know. I think there is something about really being gentle, slowing down and it goes against my nature. Yeah. Um, I don't know if I answered it perfectly.
Heather:
Perfect! And also during the COVID time, that's what we're being forced to do. We have to just stop and reevaluate what we're doing, why we're doing it, how we're doing it, like the entire structure of how we interact with each other and how the world kind of fits together as being challenged, which is, I personally think is a good thing because I think some things really needed to change anyway. Um, and I also feel like as scary and, uh, exhausting and anxious, uh, this situation is it's like the doors open in a way that it's never been open before. And so there is some part of me that's really excited about that as much as I am not sleeping and totally terrified, uh, at the same time, do you experience that as well? Do you feel like there's this like squishy thing that's happening, that's really kind of amazing. albeit terrifying?
SweetPea:
Yeah, I do. Yeah. I, I said the other day, I said, I think that veil has been thin, and, and I do realize that I am fortunate enough to sort of sit in this place, um, have a warm home. I have food, you know, I have those things. So I have the privilege of being able to see what happens with this kind of dreamlike space. Um, yeah. I completely agree. I think it's really, it's been really important for a lot of people to slow down. Um, I'm very curious, anxious, excited about how we're all gonna move forward, what things are going to come back. Cause they're such strong habits. Um, what things are not going to come back cause we're so afraid. Um, yeah, it's, I think it’s a lot of the uncertainty, um, is it is what helps me tap into that artist mindset more. I don't, I don't have an expectation and I don't know how anything's going to turn out. I don't know what they're going to say on the news tonight. Um, so, you know, and that just becomes pervasive in, I don't know what I'm drawing. My pencil is just moving around and I have this idea and I wonder what will happen next. And so, yeah, there is this, um, like you said, goofy face the dream within the dream and my dreams have been weird and long.
SweetPea:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, um, semi lucid, uh, it's just, it's been really strange.
Heather:
Wow. So your dreams are lucid, like what does that mean?
SweetPea:
Well, I think I'm lucid on the other side of things. I think …I'm technically not a scientist, but I think, technically, in a lucid dream you're asleep and you know that you're dreaming, I'm more awake and I know that I'm dreaming. Yeah. Then I wake up and I know I'm awake, but I'm still having the dream. Yeah. And they're, they're not dreams of, they're not worth writing down. They're not exciting. They're not interesting. Um, in that sense, I think it's more of the sensation of realizing I've been having this really long dream with all these components that are so ugly woven together. And then I wake up and I know I'm awake. I even look at the clock and, um, I'm still having that dream. Um, things are like, you know, all the weirdness of, of the way our brains work is still happening. Yeah.
Heather:
So, um, you and your husband worked together, you have your own separate businesses or artistic projects, but you also collaborate. Um, and you recently put together a site on Instagram. Could you talk about that project a little bit?
SweetPea:
Well, I would like to think that it will, um, experience more waves of, um, participation, um, right at the beginning of pre shelter in place, but we don't know what's going on. And, um, all the work seems to be vaporizing um, we just, we just didn't know what to do. Um, and, and Chris, my husband was, he said, I want to make this movie. I have this idea. And I've always loved making little movies. And I like to do them very low tech. So you can see the strings moving the little plastic figurines, um, try not to make it seamless. I try to make it, I don't try to make a jerky. I just really don't want it to not be jerky, so, um, so yeah, we had some funds in that. Um, and then, and then he got really into what he was doing.
Heather:
I understand
SweetPea:
Then he realized that we had about, I don't know, maybe 15 days where we were really just sort of like bumping around in space, not knowing what we were going to do. Um, so we were just in it’s almost like, almost like a snow day, you know, where you're like, well, like the roads are all closed. We can't get out of the house. What do we do? Um, it was sort of that experience. Um, and then once we realized that this was going to be a thing we experienced for awhile, we had to actually think, okay, so maybe if we took our lives just a wee bit more seiously, put an end to this steady flow of, of collaboration.
Heather:
I really enjoyed that project, I hope you guys come back to it.
SweetPea:
To be honest, I’m all in. And I enjoy collaborating a lot My partners is not is the same place that I am (laughter). He had his own stuff he wants to do.
Heather:
I get it. Do you have any places where people can find you or where you're the most active, I'll have a list of links, um, and the transcription of this interview at the end, but… Is there anything that you'd like to put focus on or have people go check out?
SweetPea:
Well, I would love people to be engaged with my Patreon, um, which is, I believe it's patreon.com/sweet P. Cole. Um, I am not as active there, uh, just for the sake of not overwhelming my patrons email boxes. Um, so Instagram is another place for people to see. They will see different things, trying to make sure that, um, I'm keepin g the Patreon and stuff really special for those folks. So different things on Instagram, which is Sweet dot P dot Cole. And, um, and then I have a website which is not necessarily changing rapidly, but it is a place where people can see past work, current items for sale, that kind of stuff. And that is sweetpeacole.com.
Heather:
Any last thoughts about the refusal of the call before we wrap this up?
SweetPea:
I actually love that. We didn't talk about refusing the call.
Heather:
We did a little…
SweetPea:
We did a little, we did the refusal. I feel like the we got to talk moe about the present rather than the long history of not doing what I was supposed to do.